Monthly Archives: February 2012

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Project X is not the worst film I have ever seen and only because it is not a film. There is no story, no character development, no directions and literally no point. Apart of course from the point of making an awful lot of money for a very little money spent.

I would love to analyse Project X’s awfulness but because it’s not even trying to be anything, it makes my job impossible. I believe that the people appearing in closing credits as film crew, didn’t actually take part in making this movie, but instead have had their families kidnapped and that’s the only reason why they let Warner Bros. release project X under their names. Poor souls. Their reputation will never be restored.

So, you probably wonder, what DOESN”T make Project X a film? Have you seen the trailer for it? No? Well, here it is. The whole movie trailer for what is I guess, a teenage version of hangover:

And that’s it. There’s nothing more to this movie. And when I mean, nothing more, I really don’t mean- there is some sort of subplot going behind it. There’s nothing. Nada. Just a party that we weren’t invited to. I don’t know how fun it sounds to you, but to me, watching a crappy camera recording of some strangers partying is not really the type of entertainment I want to devote myself into. I’d rather have a party myself, especially because one portrayed in Project X is pretty horrible…and here is my main concern and the main source of hatred towards this project from hell.

let’s hope parents don’t find out

If Project X was just some sort of undirected, pointless and completely rubbish footage of what “the filmmakers” call ‘the most epic party’, I wouldn’t mind remaining completely numb towards it. Although I hate sounding moralising, this is the perfect moment to reveal this demagogue side of me along with my feministic side (which I had no idea existed), my adult side and my sober side. I feel physically disgusted by the portrayal of teenagers, family relations, friendships and relationships in this film. Shame on you, whoever stands behind it, shame on you.

maybe this film can be enjoyed in the state shown above

The ‘epic’ party takes place at Thomas’ house who in order to become popular and lose his virginity entrusts his two friends in organising it. The plan gets out of control when an open invitation appears on the craiglist and from the agreed number of 50 people, the house somehow manages to hold 2000. Of course, people start getting drunk and high and soon everything is completely destroyed including a car, which gets to be driven into a swimming pool and the house, which is literally burnt down. The whole neighbourhood is being rioted and the party gets on the news. Does at least Thomas get laid for this horrendous price? No. He actually loses his best friend which is supposedly the love of his life (if this sounds like a kind of script to you, then trust me, getting this information from this cinematic mess was almost impossible). Finally, after more than an hour of suffering, the police ends the party and our heroes (it makes me feel dirty calling them that) have to face the consequences.

So…what are the consequences of this disaster? Is Thomas going to jail since he is officially an adult now? Are his parents going to kill him because I would? Will he be expelled from school? Grounded? Anything?

Well, of course not. First of all, his friends LEAVE HIM TO DEAL WITH EVERYTHING ON HIS OWN AND HE IS OK WITH IT. What kind of asshole friends would do that? If they did in my words, it would be the last time they ever saw me. Secondly, HIS DAD IS PROUD OF HIM because he was afraid that his son was a loser and didn’t have any friends. Well, Mr Dad, actually, HE DOESN’T. This whole party was filled with some people from craiglist that have no idea who Thomas was. And what happened to the love of his life, who caught him in bed with another girl? SHE FORGIVES HIM no problem, without even discussing anything. The only problem is, now that his parents are in total debt because THEIR HOUSE WAS BURNT DOWN AND THEY HAVE NO PLACE TO LIVE, Thomas won’t be able to afford college. But, fuck college, man, the party was epic, right..right?

NO.

 

Another year has already started, and another Oscar ceremony is behind us and with it: plenty of…well, actually plenty of mehs and whocares’. Although from the moment this year’s nominees have been announced, we, film geeks, have been constantly moaning about the rather ambiguous choices that the Academy made, especially in regards of those left behind (Shame, We Need to Talk About Kevin and Drive…and don’t even get me started on Rampart); however, all hope lied in the Academy’s final words and if the winners were let us forget about the painful disappointment experienced until the moment they were spoken.

apart from this image- it really makes us happy

Unfortunately, I didn’t get the opportunity to watch the ceremony live, so I was left alone with written update offered by IMDb and I could only imagine the lack of tension that didn’t grow when a nominee we didn’t care about won. It was supposed to be the big war between the Descendants and the Artist, and instead it turned out to be a charity-like attempt to make everyone happy. So, here they are, my top Oscars’ disappointments:

12. No Live Streaming Online for Free

I believe it should be a human right to be able to watch Oscars for free every year, even when one is outside the USA. I’m in Europe and with no freeview, I was pretty screwed.

11. The Pretentious Categories’ Names

How pretentious is it to rename all the understandable sounding category names into something so¬†unnecessarily¬†complex that one can’t be bothered to even check what each of them actually means. Could anyone tell me why is it Achievement in Directing rather than Best Director category and why is it Best Achievement in Music Written for MotionPictures, Original Score instead of the People vs John Williams? I believe it’s pointlessly pretentious and just makes the ceremony longer by making the hosts read more words.

10. THIS Actually Happened


And the oscar goes to….

“The truth is the greatest tragedy of all”…well, it would definitely be if it won this year

9. Midnight in Paris Gets the Oscar for Best Writing, Screenplay Based on Material Previously Produced or Published…you mean BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY, right?

I used to be a devoted Woody Allen fan, so if this happened ten years ago, I would actually be happy. Nowadays, I tend to miss new films of his when they get released, but I watched Midnight in Paris and I enjoyed it…quite. It is a wonderful, nostalgic journey to the 20s Paris, but to be honest, there’s not really that much into it. Owen Wilson vedi vidi vici and that’s about it. So to me Midnight in Paris was an interesting concept, but with no actual story. So how come a film without a plot gets the award for the best script?

it’s because it’s Woody Allen

8. Oscar buzz

I think the fact that oscars can be now only watched by the users of private television is mainly to blame here, but to be honest, I still think that in comparison to the previous years, this year’s ceremony has lacked its typical buzz. Nobody was really betting, arguing or waiting impatiently for them. Is it maybe because nobody cared about most of the nominated films anyway? Or maybe because the Academy is becoming more and more commercial and marketable. Either way- the lack of usual atmosphere has definitely made this year’s Oscars less of the Oscars.

7. The Muppets

The Muppets, according to Rotten Tomatoes, is now one of the critics’ big favourite getting amazing reviews and making everyone who watches it extremely happy. I haven’t seen it yet, but like everyone who still hasn’t, I can’t wait to go and write a great review myself. It is clearly a great movie. And yet somehow the only category it appears in is the Best Song (in which it wins, but to be honest, the only competition was Rio- and I mean literally the ONLY- this category had only two nominees this year). If somehow Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close managed to get a nomination for the Best Picture, the film which gets much better reviews should have the same chances? Oh, wait…I forgot the choices of nominees were completely random…

6. Incredibly Loud & Extremely Close

One of the most controversial surprises at this year’s Academy. What? When? Why? Just Why? It has 47% on Rotten Tomatoes, 6.6 on IMDb and literally no reason to be nominated. And yet, here it was- came with nothing and left with nothing but at least it filled the hole which could have been filled with Drive, We Need to Talk About Kevin, Shame or Rampart.

5. Best Animated Feature of the Year

It seems like the category is occupied by the films that are there…just because they are animated. We have one sequel, one pretentious ¬†foreign film and one runt of a movie that already has three sequels and uncountable number of extras and one high movie. Although I have never been a die hard fan of the genre, I remembered it offered much more than left overs. Rango was literally the only film that had any chances winning the award without making the Academy lose all the respect and so it did. And since we are already on the topic of predictability and lack of competition…

4. The Academy is trying to make everyone happy

And as a result of that, instead of having a film that gets all the major awards proving at the same time that it clearly deserves to be called the best picture of the year, everyone gets an award. About ten years ago the Academy started being really obvious about the fact that most of their choices come from political correctness and this year was the evidence that this attitude has gone even worse. When both Anonymous and Transformers stand alongside the Descendants and the Artist, you know that something is not completely right. Oscars are becoming less about giving the awards for those who have in some way changed the cinema, and more about giving more money to the ones who already are making enough. Consequently, the ceremony ceases to excite us offering nothing more but random and pretty bland show. Let me show you what I mean…

3. Academy Awards then vs Academy Awards Now

There is a game you can play. Pick a year, it can be anything in the last 84 years. Now, find the list of all the winners and nominees from this year. Pick a category and find the films nominated as well as the winner of it. Have you seen it? Is it better than this year’s winner? That’s what I thought…

2. Ryan Gosling, Tilda Swinton and Micheal Fassbender

and also Carrey Mulligan, Pedro Almodovar, Woody Harrelson, Oren Moverman, David Fincher, Elizabeth Olsen, Shailene Woodley, Ezra Miller, Win Wenders…anyone can name at least ten other ones…

1. The Artist

Don’t get me wrong- I am the happiest reviewer ever being able to say that the film I wanted to win, won and congratulations to the Artist- I truly believe that it deserved the award it got. Even though I’d rather George Clooney got the award for the Best Actor, I am still happy that the Academy didn’t “surprise” us rewarding War Horse or Incredibly Close & Extremely Loud instead. However, no matter how good it feels that the Artist won the best picture, it is still disappointing that the film that is really just a great entertainment and has more of an aesthetic value than the actual message behind it, has literally no competition. The Artist is a good movie, but it should not be the best movie Oscars have to offer. I would be happier if it beat the competition, but instead, there was nothing to beat in the first place. So thank you, the Academy, for this paradoxical accent. My favourite wins, and I’m not even satisfied.

I’m not sure how many of you are now interested in new trailers when only in less than a day now, we will have the winners of this year’s Academy Awards announced. And I won’t lie- I’m completely taken by the atmosphere of oscars and I couldn’t bother less about anything else in the film world right now. Even though this year is especially disappointing when it comes to the nominees, I will still sit through the whole night of accepting speeches and designers dresses. So, instead of bombarding you with new teasers and trailers, I here, for the last time present this year’s nominees in Best Picture category (follow @TheAcademy on twitter if you want to get even more pissed about this year’s ceremony):

The Artist

The Descendants

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

The Help

Hugo

Midnight in Paris

Moneyball

The Tree of Life

War Horse

 

and here’s the film that should be among all of the above, or even instead of half of them