Tag Archives: Animation


Another movie that surprised me during the Cinema Showcase* madness is Planes and surprise isn’t necessarily a positive term here. You know the movies you really hope are going to be so bad they’re good? So pathetically ridiculous that you just can’t stop crying from all the giggles it gives you? Movies so bad you want to rewatch them just to believe they’re real? Yeah, Planes isn’t one of these movies.

There is a big controversy surrounding this easily forgettable animation. First of all, it looks like Cars and Cars is a Pixar movie so what the fuck, right? Well, no. Disney has actually bought the rights from Pixar to make a movie Pixar didn’t care to make because I guess, the idea is pretty weak and Pixar tries to remain reputable (even though it’s the same bloody company either way). So Disney took Cars and turned them into Planes ans by that I mean this horror:

Well, that’s the thing- it’s not REALLY such a horror when you actually watch it. As I’ve said before, I went to the screening expecting I don’t know how crappy movie and left thinking it was actually ‘meh’. It tells the most cliche of stories about a plane who wants to become a racing plane even though it seems he wasn’t born to be one. But like with every underdog story, some things happen to make him not only a racer, but the best racer in the entire world who can win over those practicing all their lives. Quite unbelievable, but isn’t it what Disney is for?

There’s not much that can be said about Planes which is obviously straight-to-DVD movie which somehow got a chance to enter UK big screens. It is proper in every way- the 3D isn’t lazy, the flying sequences are imaginative, the characters have some sort of personalities and background stories. The film serves both as a time filler and as a good opportunity for a quick nap, but for those who are really desperate to gain some pleasure from watching it, it can actually provide some entertainment. Planes is basically whatever you wish it to be and maybe it’s not so bad…

But it is. It is because Disney isn’t, or rather, shouldn’t be a bland company making bland films. It should make either ridiculously good or completely disappointing films, but by no means should it ever leave its audience neutral. And that’s the problem with Planes. What was it about again?





*Cinema Showcase- the event for press organised usually on the hottest days of the year during which a lot of ranting people are stuck together in a dark screen from 8am to midnight. I’m serious

First Look 1

And already I want to emphasise that the most “epic” thing about Epic is its title…and even that isn’t really “epic”, is it?

I don’t even know where to start, because while watching Epic- a new animation that nobody will remember a month after it comes out and yet, there will still be a sequel to it, my brain was bleeding. Actually, I could here Advanced Little People Society screaming “Stop!” in my head throughout the movie, which slow motion sequences represented perfectly what was happening to my brain cells. I couldn’t go to sleep, because the pressure of reviewing it later was too big, but I couldn’t stay awake because it must have been some boredom test I participated in. If children can handle this amount of blandness then I am afraid. Really afraid of what it says about the children. Hopefully, I don’t think they can. But unfortunately, they will.

Epic shows that today animation is often more about getting people to the cinema than creating a fanbase for a new movie. Although I am against strong marketing and product promotion that is inseparable part of film release, creating a movie in which no hero is characteristic enough to make a toy out of it is another extreme which we shouldn’t fall into. Placing big names like Colin Farrell, Beyonce and Christoph Waltz is just being lazy and there is really no excuse for letting them play whoever they normally play clearly because of lack of effort in scriptwriting. Christoph Waltz is an amazing actor and giving him the most stereotypical villain role seems like an obvious option. But please, at least use him more. He could actually make this movie worth watching but the amount of times he appears on the screen is so small that somehow it’s even difficult to tell which one is he (unless he speaks, of course). Funnily enough, this is not just the case with Christoph Waltz. After thirty minutes of the movie I have started wondering if every single person is being paid per minute of appearance. The characters come and go before we even get to know their names. Beyonce is there just to die, which is fine for me since her acting is quite bad, but how am I suppose to share a tear during this visually engaging scene when I have no idea who exactly she is? Collin Farrell has some thing going on with her, but what was it really, it is never said. Sad music doesn’t make a sad scene, even in children’s movie.

Laziness is what kills Epic. The story is based on visuals rather than character development and the message it brings to its younger audience is disturbingly ambiguous (I don’t want to reveal it, because it’s one of the biggest shocker in the animation history). Yes, Epic looks nice, but it’s far from EPIC. There are predictable battles, which due to lack of identification with main characters are not affecting us in any way. There is a romance that doesn’t have future which is a little sad, but for some reason the characters don’t mind, so I guess, we shouldn’t mind either. There is a depressed daughter and neglecting father, but at the end of the day everyone had fun, so what was this depression about again? Overall, Epic brings up important issues only to dismiss them cruelly and replace them with satisfying, but not outstanding animation. And of course, brace yourselves because Beyonce’s new album is coming out very soon.

Fortunately, the cure is always there. Just pop 90s Disney DVD into your player. Now THAT’S EPIC

Let me start with a little explanation. This week’s trailers won’t necessarily be all new. Some of them come from a few weeks ago and it’s because I have ignored them because I underestimated the potential they bared. However, after going to some press screening, my mind has changed so for today the rules are a little changed but hopefully, you won’t even feel the difference.

1. The Cabin in the Woods

Trust me on this one. It might look simply meh or just like yet another horror movie, but just trust me and go and see it. The trailer doesn’t show anything the Cabin in the Woods has to offer (which is pity because some of you will forget about it after seeing it; but it’s also good because it doesn’t spoil it for you in case you go) so relying on it isn’t the best thing to do. To me, one of the most original horror movies of the decade and definitely one of the best of the year. Go and see yourself


2. Ice Age: Continental Drift

Yet another Ice Age awaits us and with every single trailer I am hoping that the creators will finally leave the main characters and just focus on making short videos with the squirrel, Looney Toones style. There’s not much to say apart from the fact that it’s a nice short video, but an average trailer. Still, enjoy the first part of it.


3. The Womb

The Womb was showed last year during London Film Festival and I missed it, so I have no idea if it is good or bad. It looks like the writers got a little too carried away and Eva Green just takes any role that seems challenging, even when it balances on the edge of absurd. I won’t lie, I’m not very optimistic about it. The twisted plot looks like something that could only survive in Spanish cinema.


4. 21 Jump Street

Another film that nobody can say anything about….yet (under embargo) but the rumour has it that the chemistry between Channing Tatum and creepily anorectic Jonah Hill is great and that the film is actually hilarious.

5. On the Road

Having experienced Kerouac’s prose, I can say that it is pretty risky adapting it on the big screen, however, On the Road has my blessing- it looks engaging, inspiring and really good. Let’s hope the trailer is really a trailer and not the combination of amazing editing with the best scenes in the movie.