The Dark Knight Rises, The Amazing Spider-Man, The Man of Steel, The Hobbit…All of these epic titles have one great thing in common- the whole world seems to be waiting for their release. No matter if you are a superhero geek or have a crush on Leonardo Dicaprio, the upcoming year (or two) seems to be generous for all of us. But there is another kind of cinema, we don’t usually talk about…the kind that includes films that should be long forgotten (and forgiven in some cases), and yet, somehow, the producers still push their poor existence to the screens literally raping the actors starring in them or the original versions of the films they are based on. These are the films that not only do we not wait for, but moreover, we have nightmare about them. The forbidden films that nobody wants, but somehow they still get proudly announced on IMDb website. Yes, my dears, these cinematic disasters will get their releases at your local cinemas. You will hear about them because they laugh at you shamelessly from the mockeries of posters. Let this list be a warning for you, because the day will come sooner than you think, for some of them are already in pre-production. Here is my list of Top 12 Least Anticipated Films. Be prepared!
12. Untitled Batman Reboot
I think it is pretty obvious from my website, that I am slowly turning into a total Batman geek. I do like Batman more than any other superhero and I especially appreciate what Christopher Nolan did to it- instead of making it cartoonish and extreme, he made it quite realistic and serious. Of course when I heard that the trilogy ends with the Dark Knight Rises, I felt a little sentimental, but I always believe that even from the most amazing films, we sometimes need a rest. The more we miss it, the more we want it. And yet, not long time ago on Christopher Nolan’s IMDb an information appears that supposedly he is planning to write another Batman Reboot. I mean…give us some rest!
Christopher Nolan is a great director and a strong writer, but I think what made Batman trilogy special was that it was only a trilogy and it had an end. The Dark Knight Rises would have been the perfect end for Batman and I am more than happy to wait another ten years for a new talent to bring it back completely refreshed and unique. This project is still not in pre-production even, so there is hope that it will be killed before it lays eggs.
11. The Chronicles of Narnia The Silver Chair
Look, I loved the book. Really. I even loved the old version of the movie, but this new one just has no soul. Everything is very perfect- it looks pretty, the performances are good and it tells the story like it should, and yet it feels like a person who made it has no recognition of human emotions. It has been years since the first part came out and the second one was even more forgettable. Damn, I’m not even sure which parts I’m actually talking about anymore. Either way, suddenly, the producers woke up from a long nap and realised that they haven’t finished this emotionless nightmare. To be continued forever…
for the fans of the most boring titles ever
10. Another Sherlock Holmes Movie
I am a traditionalist when it comes to literary adaptations, so whenever a book adapted goes far from its original, I get pretty angry. So you can imagine my face when I saw the first Sherlock Holmes, which I didn’t find funny nor charming nor entertaining. The second one was supposed to be more epic (whatever they meant by it), and probably a little longer concerning all the slo-mo they put in the trailer. So what to expect from the third one?
9. National Treasure 3
I don’t blame Nicolas Cage for wanting to continue hunting treasures. The problem is National Treasure was never really successful and like Narnia, it very slowly makes sequels, so it seems like before they make another one, the producers have to save money for years. Is it worth it? Of course it is, we are talking Nicolas Cage being himself. Dressed as Indiana Jones.
8. A Good Day to Die Hard
They said it. Seems like I don’t have to say anything more. The title says it all.
Someone called the mad butcher made this poster and I believe it is going to look exactly like it. tagline also inspiring
7. Avatar 3
I always get angry with over confident producers, and like with next fifty Avengers movies being made (although at least they are based on comics, so the stories come from somewhere) I also get a little annoyed with the Pirates of Caribbeans 5 and 6 being made just because they can already afford it. But you know who is actually the worst? James Cameron.
James Cameron is today just a moneymaker. He simply doesn’t seem to give a crap about the story anymore not he cares about the characters development. With Avatar he proved that he loves gadgets and new technology and from then on, it seems like he believes movies can simply exist on them. Avengers was a good movie and so was Pirates of Caribbeans, but to be honest, Avatar had not much to offer apart from stunning visual effects. And I don’t care about Avatar 2 being made, I’m ok with it. But Avatar 3? I know you can afford it, Cameron, but at least pretend that you are humble. Or that you care about films. Maybe sometimes the best lie is better than the worst truth…
bring the money
6. The Hangover 3
You know how everyone loved the Hangover because it felt so fresh, absurd and actually funny? You know how the Hangover 2 was EXACTLY the same movie just set in a different country? You know what the Hangover 3 might be like? Do you really want to know? I didn’t think so. But still, here we go again…
5. Scary Movie 5
Scary Movie means as much to ‘new generation’ as Skrillex means to me. They simply have no nostalgic memories or no emotional attachment to it. This makes Scary Movie 5 totally sentimental free for most of us, especially because those of us who still remember the first one, also remember the third and fourth one and we definitely do not want the next one to happen. However, it’s too late. Not only is it coming out on the set date in October, but also it has already the posters ready. Check out the puns in tagline and try making worse. I don’t think anyone can.
Why is this happening? Why anyone thought that we need another Judge Dredd and why would anyone think that Eomer from Lord of the Rings can substitute Sylvester Stallone? This madman’s idea is actually coming out, the trailer has been released last week and it’s baaaaaad (I shall elaborate on it more in a very near future). Dredd looks pretty dreadful.
3. Real Steel 2
I cannot express my hatred towards Real Steel again, so I’m just going to link you to my review from the times when I still had a blog which I didn’t pay for having. HERE is my review of this vomit of the movie. I can’t wait to burn down every single cinema which attempts to play the sequel.
For those of you who dare (on your own responsibility) :
2. Jumper 2
Seriously guys? You are making a crappy sequel for a really crappy movie? It wasn’t even a movie, it was literally a guy jumping from one place to the other in search of nonexistent plot. I fear for the future of cinema when things like that get announced. How many people have seen the first one even? Ten? Twenty? just WHY?
it’s like making Hitman 2! Oh, wait…
1. Indiana Jones 5
and finally…the worst of the worst…the least anticipated movie ever to be made:
0. Another Adam Sandler Movie
Adam Sandler, please stop making movies. I really have no hatred left to hate you and yet whenever I think you made the worst film ever, the even worst one comes out right after it. Please, please, please. Stop.