My adventure with Journey 2 has started long time ago when the first poster of it came out and brighten up the streets of London. Soon it was always in the background- in related youtube videos, in one of the emails from PR companies, on the bus, in a magazine…Never the main movie of my interest, but always lurking from somewhere in the background…
Even when I published my first post about Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, I was still more than sceptical. I raged that the trailer made me stop believe in movie industry and that there’s too much money in producers’ hands. No reason a film so horrendously looking should have ever been shot, I used to say. Well maybe Journey 2 has persuaded me to be a little less sceptical about the Rock films next time…And it’s all because of…well, yeah, The Rock
I promise you, we’ll come back to this scene
However weird it sounds, I really don’t want to spoil this film for you, but the general story goes like this: There is an extremely spoiled brat who lives with Charlotte from Sex and the City and the Rock. Amazing. After receiving a coded signal from his mad grandfather, the spoiled brat decides to go there and see the island the mad grandfather is supposedly on. The following scenes reveal what Journey 2 is really about. It’s about the mind controlled kid who manages to get everything he wants no matter how badly he behaves. So…
1. Breaking and entering ignored
The Situation: The film starts with the spoiled kid being chased by police cars. We watch him getting involved in the most ridiculous and unnecessary stunts ever. He and his bike end up in the neighbours’ swimming pool. When he is caught by the police, we find out that he broke into the…satellite. But that’s not the case! You’re grounded, mr.!
The Solution: The Rock comes to save the day, but the kid instead of being grateful for not going to prison for the rest of his life after breaking and entering to the government’s secured building and destroying the neighbours’ property, is pissed that the Rock is not his real father. Now THAT’S the real issue here, right?
Dwayne ‘The Father’ Johnson’s parental advice: After he sees the grumpy spoiled brat, he thanks the police and takes him home. No further consequences here.
2. Grounded for a day
The Situation: Of course the Rock isn’t the only parent in the house, and thus the spoiled brat whose manipulative techniques work a little worse on Charlotte is grounded by her. I like the fact that nobody cares about BREAKING INTO A SATELLITE (!!!!!) and that the spoiled kid is nowhere close to being thankful for not going to prison. He sits in his room indulging himself in the adventure books by Jules Verne…
The Solution: The Rock visits him in the morning with the ”sup bro’ face and gives the spoiled brat a hand in decoding the grandfather’s message. While being moaned at for being too slow, he impresses me highly by decoding the message in 5 minutes knowing all the references to the nineteenth and eighteenth century adventure books.
The kid gets really into it, and he is now desperate to follow Dwayne’s map and see the mysterious island that the fiction writers portrayed in their books. He packs some stuff and is ready to go.
Dwayne ‘The Father’ Johnson’s parental advice: Your kid wants to see the mysterious island that he read about in an adventure book? Run to the travel agency and get yourself and the kid a ticket each. Adventure time!!!!!!
just pray he doesn’t read From the Earth to the Moon, also by Jules Verne
3. Life in danger? Let’s ROCK
The Situation: At the arrival to the port, the Rock and the spoiled kid quickly learn that no sane person wants to go anywhere near where the island might be. They call the place the Bermuda Triangle of the place and even American dollars are not enough to persuade the locals to take them there…
apart from this guy
The Solution: Let’s start with the most obvious fact. This guy is obviously mad. He’s willing to put his life and his beautiful, young daughter’s life in danger for a thousand dollars. Also, he doesn’t own a boat. He flies a helicopter filled with chickens that looks worse than the ones produced by Hamleys. Pretty risky journey, eh?
Dwayne ‘The Father’ Johnson’s parental advice:
just joking…of course they go
4. Landed on the unknown island that they don’t know anything about
The Situation: Somehow our heroes manage to survive the helicopter crash and they wake up on the completely unknown island, far from anywhere and without the return transport. The spoiled kid is of course disappointed, because the island doesn’t look like he imagined it would and Vanessa Hudgens with her father try to sort the situation out. At least they try harder than anyone else in the movie.
The Solution: At the beginning of the scene, Luis Guzman announces that he is planning on staying at the seashore and write S.O.S. on the sand while waiting for help. But the Rock has a better idea…
Dwayne ‘The Father’ Johnson’s parental advice:
Who’s up for the adventure?
From then we enter the magical world of the mysterious island and we soon discover that no laws of logic applies to it. The animals that are typically large are now ridiculously small, and the ones that we considered smashable with a shoe, are bigger than the Rock’s left arm
But these are not the only laws of physics violated on the island. I would never imagine anyone performing a ‘thunder cookie’
I really don’t want to spoil it for you, but I will just say that in order to make it, you need
one sweaty rock
and one big angry madafakah
I promise you the mixture will bring the unforgettable moment.
The one thing that also requires
a whole book written about a mention is The Rock’s amazing talent. He reveals it when while walking in the jungle, his bastard step son asks him how to get a girl (Vanessa Hudgens to be specific). The Rock says that there are only three things he needs to remember and remember them good.
1. Never follow your instincts
2. Be in touch with your emotions
and the most important of them old, the golden rule of the Rock. The rule that breaks all the laws of physics and surely will make any girl’s heart stop (in fear) is
3. Pop Your Pecs
son of a…..
It is definitely the biggest mystery on this island.
There is some sort of absurd story in Journey 2 and the 3D effects (yes, 3D pecks popping ) make this film even more entertaining (yes, I say it- the 3D hater). But as you can see this is simply nothing compared to the overall performance of Dwayne Johnson in this movie. Hardly ever do you see an actor enjoying himself so much and making every scene in which he appears worth 100 views. He thunder cookies the big madafakah, he pops his pecs and he even sings his own version of Armstrong’s ‘It’s a Wonderful World’ while playing ukulele! I went to see it knowing that I will give it 1, maybe 2 out of ten and left knowing nothing.
Just see it. Come on… see it…